Letting your spouse know that you want to end your marriage is not easy, but there are things you can do to make that initial conversation easier. You need to remember that this conversation about your divorce – the first of many – may set the tone for the entirety of the process, so it will be beneficial to both of you for it to go as smoothly and amicably as possible.

Here are some factors you need to consider when talking to your spouse about divorce:

Timing

There is no better time than now to be extra sensitive to what is going on in your spouse’s life. You would typically want to avoid telling them that you want to get a divorce when they are stressed over something or if they have a deadline at work. It is also not ideal to bring up divorce when they are sick or having a health scare, before a major family event, such as weddings or birthdays, or if the family is otherwise going through a challenging time.

Location

Apart from the timing, where you choose to discuss your divorce also plays an important part in keeping the conversation smooth and civil. This is an emotional time, so it is ideal that you talk somewhere private. It is a good idea to avoid noisy and crowded places. You would also typically want to be away from your kids when you have this conversation.

Explanation

While you may want to explain why you want to end your marriage, it is generally best to avoid defending your decision. The moment you do, you might pave the way for two potential problems to arise. First is the two of you blaming each other, which may quickly escalate into a heated fight. Second, justifying your decision might make your spouse think that you could still change your mind. You want to be considerate of their feelings, but firm about your decision.

Take extra care to end the conversation respectfully and give your spouse the space they need. Putting effort into choosing the right time, location, and explanation for this initial conversation can help to better ensure a the divorce process moves forward amicably.